Homecoming -3
A Story in eight episodes
3 - Old Tricks
Sunday Beth and her dad were making breakfast together when Aunt Flo showed up with cinnamon buns. From the aroma wafting from the pan, they were hot out of the oven.
“Do these go with eggs and ham,” Flo asked. Her neat blonde hair was in a short pony tail and she was dressed in white for baking.
“Your cinnamon buns go with everything,” Beth said and gave her a hug.
“I can’t stay too long since my helper has church at eleven. Maybe I shouldn’t open on Sunday but that’s my best day.”
“You still make those apple dumplings?” Beth asked.
“When I can get good apples. You should come work for me this summer. You know how to do all this from when you were a teen. You wouldn’t even need training.”
Beth suddenly felt needed and the offer tugged at her heart. “I would love to help out.”
“I guess you’ll try for a teaching job for the fall?” Flo said as she turned toward the door.
“I’d be safer joining the army. I don’t think I’ll go back to teaching.”
Flo nodded. “Well, then you can work for me permanently. I can’t keep good help.”
Beth realized her dad must have filled Flo in or she would have grilled her about the injuries. “You want me to work today, though we both have dates this evening.”
Flo glanced at Beth’s dad. “Come as soon as you can. We close at four.”
“Perfect. I’ll be along as soon as I eat breakfast and one of these delicious buns.” Beth felt embraced by kindness from her Dad, Aunt Flo, Ben and Millie. She felt safe here in her dad’s house with the trees over reaching the irises along the driveway, as though nothing could ever hurt her again.
Beth found she could handle waiting on customers while preparing cookie dough or timing batches of goods in the ovens. Aunt Flo had a marvelous timer. Working in the bakery was a snap compared to riding herd on two dozen kids at a time, even when they were behaving.
And the customers were all sweet old things who were no danger to her. At three she cleaned the last of the bowls and baking pans. At four she shut out lights and locked up while her aunt counted the money. Flo took the deposit to the bank drop off and Beth went home to change. Her dad’s car was already gone.
The U-haul had been turned around facing out and was empty. What had her dad done with all her junk? She peeked inside the single garage and got her answer. All the furniture that would not fit in her tiny apartment and all her old boxes were stacked in a haphazard way. Now she would be able to get rid of the trailer tomorrow.
Beth went inside to change, carrying one more tote from the garage. If she took in one bag each time it did not seem like such a hard task.
When she got to the farm, Millie’s car was gone so Beth tucked the apple dumplings inside the door before she went to the barn. Ben was still doing the washing up in the milk room.
“Let me finish up here for you. I remember how. While you go change.”
“Is that a hint I am aromatic?”
“I like the scent of manure, but maybe not on you.”
He laughed and surrendered the scrub brush to her. “First I will hose out the loafing shed since that takes two hands. Best to do it while the manure is fresh.”
While Beth washed equipment she could see him though the stanchions hosing down the alleyway with a powerful stream of water. Then he rolled up the hose which almost looked like a fire hose, and went to the house.
It felt good to be trusted and to know she could handle a job because she had done it before, not just here but at the bakery. Beth wondered why she had ever wanted to be teacher. Her mom had dictated teacher or nurse. Why did she let herself be limited that way. There were lots of jobs that would make her happier and less stressed than teaching.
She finished up and took the apron off, just as Ben got back with still wet hair and clean jeans and t-shirt.
“Do the cows stay out all night?”
Ben smiled. Leave it to Beth to worry about his cows. “Only in the better weather. If it’s pouring rain or once it gets down toward freezing, I bring them in at night and provide hay. The door is always open if they want in, which they sometimes do when its really hot.”
“They get their grain while they are being milked,” Beth said.
“Their reward or pay. I’m taking a bucket with us just in case we find something.”
“And you’re not going to tell me what,” Beth said.
She followed him though the pasture carefully avoiding the cow pies.
Their destination was as always the old strip mine where now grew all sorts of trees and berry vines. It was too early in the year even for raspberries but they could scope out the prospects for later.
“If you have an abundance of berries this year, I can buy them for Aunt Flo’s bakery. I’m working there now, another job for which I did not have to be trained. It all came back to me and I love it.”
“Just like you to not even take a day off. Here you are washing big containers and mixing cookie dough with a broken hand.”
“I’m being careful, and it’s better than sitting around thinking. Aunt Flo must be prospering. Her shop has a pro mixer. Mixing dough of any kind is no effort.”
“Whoo whoo.” Ben spun a finger in the air.
“Be good if you want an apple dumpling.”
“I almost scarfed one before my shower but decided the anticipation would have to be enough for now.”
“I made those myself. Gosh, her electric bill must be huge. But she lives in the apartment above so may save on heating.”
“On a serious note, I agree it’s better to keep busy than to dwell on things.”
“You mean defeats.” She gave a twisted smile.
“Retreats. The best strategist backs away from a losing situation.”
“You think I made the right decision?”
“Of course you did. You can’t stay where you get no support.” He grabbed her good arm to keep her from slipping into the water that ran through the cut.
“Oh wow, there’s a lot of water here. No wonder you have all kinds of berry vines and even trees taking root.”
“And it stays most of the year, so the berries don’t dry up like they used to. We also get a lot of wildlife: deer, rabbits, a bear, maybe cubs. Plenty of birds, possums and groundhogs.”
“It would be fun to sit up here one night and just watch for things.”
Ben smiled at her. “We can do that.”
“That’s true. Millie or Dad could call us if they need us. Dad has a date tonight.”
“Who with?” Ben asked as they made there way along the edge of the water.
“I made it a point not to ask.”
“He’s still a handsome man, retired, good pension and social security. Quite a catch for someone.”
“He did mention being lonely. I hope I don’t cramp his style.”
“Most women would want to protect him from fortune hunters.”
“The only woman likely to take advantage of him is my sister. She wants him to sell the house and give her the money.”
“She always was a greedy little snitch.”
Beth laughed at his expression. “She’s adopted.”
“Yeah, I knew that.”
Beth hesitated. She felt as though she had been shut out of something by leaving town. “I didn’t until yesterday, not that it should matter.”
“They should have told you.”
“It may explain why I never felt close to her. I’m only two years older, so she must have come when she was a baby or I would have noticed a child suddenly appearing without a pregnancy--look, what is that swimming there in there biggest pool?”
“Muskrat,” Ben whispered. He pulled her down to sit beside him on a flat rock.
“He sees us, but he’s not reacting.”
“I walk up here all the time. I used to dream of buying equipment and straightening these acres out to have more pasture.”
“But it’s beautiful the way it is,” Beth said looking around at the isolated glade.
“Now I think so too. Funny how our goals change with time to what they should have been all along.”
“Makes me wonder about past goals. I should never have been a teacher. I always felt defeated by my job, even before the attack. Nothing is worse than talking for ten minutes and getting no response except blank stares.”
“Your dad says you’re good at it. You got teacher of the year once.”
“Early in my career. I had a good class that year, the AP kids. Anyone can succeed with them because they are self-motivated. Lately I’ve been assigned the kids who are barely trying. I should press on, but I don’t like spinning my wheels and that has nothing to do with the attack.”
“At least you found out before it’s too late.”
“Took me long enough.” Beth began to wonder why she had not quit a long time ago.
Ben touched her arm. “Look! Mushrooms, morels. Looks like supper,” Ben whispered as he got up and crept along the small cliff to an old apple tree.
“You’re sure?” Beth said as she stood to follow him.
“Very.”
“So that’s why you had the bucket.”
He gently picked and placed the mushrooms carefully in the bucket. “Ready to go to the piney woods?”
Beth followed him out of the cut, across the farm lane and into the forest of fir trees. “It’s like a cathedral and it smells so wonderful.”
“I don’t have to mow through here. The needles keep the grass down. Dad was going to sell these trees for timber and turn the land into pasture.”
“It’s beautiful as it is,” Beth said again.
“I know nothing lasts, but I wish this would. Besides, with only eight cows I don’t need more pasture.”
“Funny how the passage of time can work for us, keep us from making mistakes.”
“Yeah, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.”
They came back through the hay fields carefully avoiding the ground hog holes.
“You got the first cut of hay made.”
“Yeah. I should get another cut in a month if the rain keeps coming.”
“A good year.”
“A very good year,”
When they got back to the house Millie was making coffee. She was not in church clothes. “It was hard but I waited for you on the apple dumplings.”
“Oh, mushrooms for dinner,” Ben said.
“I thought it was too late in the year.”
Beth shared coffee with them and took some mushrooms home for her dad, then sat in suspense while he cooked and ate them.
“You are missing a treat.”
“My allergies. I’m not supposed to eat mushrooms at all.”
“Especially not the poisonous ones,” her dad jibed. “These are morels, easy to identify.”
“Besides, I’ll be here to drive you to the hospital if Ben made a mistake.”
“Ben never makes mistakes, except letting you get away.”
She ate her salad and waited till he had finished. She decided she had better tell him the truth.
“About that, Ben did not break with me and I did not dump him.”
“What happened then?” Her dad looked puzzled. “Oh, no! Your mom!”
“Apparently lied to both of us. We were trusting souls in those days.”
He reached across the table and took her hand. “I’m so sorry. I believed her too.”
“I did as well to my great error. Well, without her I would not be here.”
He blinked his eyes and looked away.
“That is right, isn’t it?”
“Not exactly,” he said slowly.
Beth sat back in her chair and waited.
“Lucy and I were having trouble conceiving.”
Beth felt her face freeze between a smile and possible tears. “You said I am your daughter.”
“You are.”
“But she was not my mother?”
“No.”
Beth clasped his hand wondering if there was more. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Are you all right? Are you wishing the mushrooms are poison about now?”
She shook her head, though that made it ache. “With the knowledge that I will never go insane like she did? I am fine with that truth. You don’t have to say any more.”
“Beth, she was always unhinged.”
“Yes, you are right, but my heart feels light somehow as though I have been freed from her.”
“Ben knows you still love him?”
“Let’s says things are reawakening for us.”
“It’s not too late.”
“No, it’s never too late.”
She dreamed that night of the attack and woke up angry and planning what to do to revenge herself, not so much for the injuries but for being made to fear for her life. As always Zack’s accusation came back to her. See what you made me do. As though it was her fault that he attacked her. So stupid.
Beth saw Ben often after that. She got in the habit of driving out to the farm after working at the bakery so she could help with the final milking. It was a good time to talk. In his gentle way he got her to talk about her whole life. With a degree he could have been a great therapist. But then he would not be here for her now. Was that selfish? Maybe the answer for confused people like her was to have support. Maybe not a problem solver, but someone who unearthed your hang-ups, got you to view them impartially and see that they were not insurmountable.
She also began to suspect that her dad was dating Millie since they were often absent at the same time.
The dream still came almost every night about three a.m. just when her body was downloading cortisol to meet the new day. And why dream now when the stitches were out, when it was almost time to get the cast off? The difference was she was angry at the student, not trying to calm him but shouting to make him see how wrong he was. She was fighting back.
She concluded it was because she was now well rested. Is that why she was working two places, to exhaust herself so she did not dream? She did not like the role of victim. She could talk to Ben or her father about the dreams, but she did not want to worry them more than she had already.
Maybe she did need professional help. But in a little town like Laurel Hill going to an analyst would become public knowledge even if she drove to another town. She should be able to figure this out for herself. So long as she was not angry at anyone else, a little justifiable anger might not be a problem.